The Road To True Love

 

 The Road To True Love

by, Tiffany McMullen

It was January 6^th, the night of Gabriel’s Aunts annual dinner and dance party. Gabriel has been but very busy, between writing for the Daily Express and preparing his speech for the dinner tonight. Gabriel is always so busy, too busy to even pay much attention to me, but here I am getting ready for this event for HIS event.

We have just arrived to the dinner party, and were being greeted by no other than Aunt Kate and Aunt Julia. They seem so excited to see us, but very concerned as to why we have arrived to the party so late. It was nothing big, just ran into some car problems with this really cold weather. Just shortly after arriving the doorbell rang, and Freddy was standing against the door, I assume he is drunk again...that is nothing out of the ordinary. He is one who really lives up to the Irish expectations.

Over on the other side of the room Gabriel is talking to Lily, the family’s servant. He just gave her some money; I wonder what that was all about? He has a big speech to give soon. He should be rehearsing that rather than conversing with everyone at the party. As for me, I am just standing here taking everything in, the scenery, the people, the smell of the food, and I must say I cannot wait to eat. I see Freddy over there, he is hammered, still cannot stand on his own without the support of the walls, or even other people. He’s holding onto Mr. Browne as they’re talking. It looks like he just gave Freddy some lemonade, thank God! He does not need any more to drink tonight! Mary Jane has just started playing her piece on the piano. It sounds beautiful she is such a talented young lady, but I know Gabriel hates it. She is playing very fast and it lacks melody but the poor girl is trying.

This night is dragging, it is never ending. I cannot wait to go home. All I want is to take a bubble bath with a nice big glass of wine. As I sit here continuing to drink, Gabriel ad Miss Ivor’s are now dancing. As for their dancing, it is not so good.  Miss Ivor’s is one of his friends with the same educational background. She is so nice, but really knows how to get under Gabriel’s skin. I can tell just by the look on his face it is happening now. If it was possible, I think smoke would be blowing out of Gabriel's ears right about now. Meanwhile Aunt Kate has come over to chat. We speak about how great tonight has turned out even though in my head I just want to get the heck out of here. We got into the topic of Christmas, and how this year was much better than any other year for she had received a new knife to be used this year while cutting the goose. Then she added "can Gabriel cut the goose for me again this year? The party would not be the same if he did not!" I knew there was a reason behind her bringing up Christmas.

Gabriel has finally finished talking to everyone and is making his way over here. I handed him a beer because he looked like he really needed it, and  asked him how his talk with Mrs. Ivor’s went. He told me how she invited us to vacation West of Dublin. I was so excited, that’s where I from. I would love to go back and visit. It has been so long. I could show him around, all my favorite places growing up. My favorite park, the place I would always go to ponder.  I was so delighted by the idea, but Gabriel, not so much. He acquired quit the attitude and told me I could go on my own because he is not wasting his time. What an ass, sometimes I question our marriage. It is always about him, ALWAYS! Mrs. Malvin and Gabriel began talking, who knows about what, but I know it will be something to make him miserable. Meanwhile Miss Ivors is searching for her jacket so that she can leave. We have not even had dinner yet, and it is unlike her to leave so early. That is when I stepped in with Mary Jane to try and convince her to stay for the beautiful meal that has been prepared for the evening. Miss Ivors did not budge, she insists that she must go. It was getting pretty late, at least my stomach seemed to think so. It was so loud for I had not eaten anything all day. Gabriel is in the kitchen cutting the goose. I heard a loud scream in the kitchen from him. He must have missed the goose again, like every other year. The dinner party would not be the same if Gabriel did not cut himself.

Dinner was finally ready. As we all sat down, the looks on everyone face was absolutely priceless. The dinner table would put any all-you-can-eat buffet to shame. The main dishes are goose and ham, and there are enough side dishes, desserts, and drinks to fill the table and the top of the piano. 

Dinner was so good, it always is. Best part of the entire night. Definitely need a nap after that meal. After which we ate dessert and continued to drink. It was now time for Gabriel's speech. He gets in to the subject of hospitality. Like, how much hospitality the hostesses show, and how it's pretty much the best thing about the Irish. Next he compares the present thought-tormented age to the spacious past, and orders everyone to cherish in our hearts the memory of those dead and gone great ones. He brings up thoughts of the past, of young, of changes, of absent faces that we all missed here tonight. He concluded his speech saying he will not linger on the past. It was beautifully written and brought tears to many eyes. Shortly after we all started to sing "For they are jolly gay fellows," Aunt Kate starts crying. Those in the other room are in their way in, and start to sing as well.

The party is finally over and the guests are starting to head home. Those who stayed later began talking about an old story about Mr. Conroy (Gabriel’s grandfather). During this I heard some sort of noise upstairs. I could not tell what it was, so I started going upstairs to see what it was. There was a piano playing. The song changed my mood. A total 180 turn from how I was feeling. So many thoughts from my past popped into my head. I could not handle it.  I see Gabriel staring at me. He is probably wondering what is wrong. Quite honestly I don’t know if I could even tell him. Not here at least.

When we left and got into the cab I was but very quiet, making it an awkward car ride to the hotel. But I had so much on my mind and just no words to describe it. Gabriel all of a sudden has great romantic inclination and I can’t help but feel nothing! I can tell this upsets him. I busted into tears. I then confessed that the song I heard Mr. Bartell D’Arcy sand before leaving the party reminded me of a former lover Michael Furry for he once sang that song to me.

 I told him the story how Michael had died after waiting outside my windows in the cold. He asked me how he died so I began to tell how Michael was very sick and unable to see any guests. I was on my way to the convent for schooling and would be home in the summer. I wrote him a letter explaining that I would be back for him. He must have known that he would not be here when I got home and immediately came to see me that night. From all the crying, I fell asleep in my own misery. I knew Gabriel was upset, but I had to tell him. He deserved the truth.

I woke up mid sleep, looked out the window to see that the snow was still falling. I continued to cry, for I know I crushed Gabriel’s’ heart. All I can think about is about my current relationship with the man I married. All this time Gabriel thought he knew me, but he didn’t. He had no idea about Michael, and that was one very important time in my life.  Gabriel has always told me he loved me, but did he really? I do love Gabriel, but not the same way I love Michael. No one could ever take Michael’s place for he will always hold a special place in my heart.

It is now about 5am and Gabriel has just got up, out of bed and is starring out of the window. I am barley awake but I can see Gabriel draw a heart on the window from the condensation. Inside the heart he has placed my initials “GC”. At this very moment I realized that last night was not a means to end for our relationship but a stepping stone for our marriage.  Gabriel has a heart of gold. I know that he does love me, at times he may show a lack of interest, but that is only because he has other very important things that he has to get done. Maybe when I was younger I did not really know the definition of true love, maybe Gabriel is my true love after all. We have some things to work on and I have faith we can fix things.