Monday, November 10, 2014

Mistakes


It is a cold winter’s night in Buffalo NY.  Gabriel and Gretta have been married for well over eight years.  This is the annual Christmas staff party for the place Gabriel works at.  Freezing from the cold, the two rushed over to where the party is being held.  The thick snow had accumulated during the last lake effect snow storm the night before and made it cold and wet. Now that winter weather has hit on the 14th of December, it’s as if people do not know how to drive in the snow again. Drivers fishtailed and hit into each other.  Gretta senses Gabriel’s frustration mounting.  She begins to notice Gabriel clenching his jaw and his arm’s shaking as one driver nearly slides into their car.  He begins to outwardly show his frustration and begins to swear at people in the car.  Gretta tries to calm him down but to no avail.

                After 3 hours of driving through the cold winter snow filled streets the couple had finally arrived.  Too cold to remain outside any longer they rush inside to the warm and cozy building where the party is being held. As they walk in, they are welcomed by a big man whom Gabriel has worked with for years.  To Gabriel’s surprise it’s Michael Furrey.  His greats his co-worker with caution only because at some point in time Furrey and Gretta were in love with each other.  Gabriel doesn’t talk to Michael all too often for two main reasons. Furrey works in another state, which is probably due to non-contact. Unfortunatly, with Gabriel’s eyes on Furrey, he knew that Furrey and his wife were in love. Furrey is a big shot in corporate headquarters and has had more opportunity due to the fact that Furrey was able to go to college while Gabriel couldn’t.  Because of that he holds a grudge against him.  During the course of the party, Gabriel kept a watchful eye on Furrey and Gretta as they mingle with the other party goers.  It’s primarily due to his jealously over Furrey, and the overwhelming worry that has crossed through Gabriel’s head that his wife may leave him for the more successful Michael Furrey.  Through his “spying” on his wife whom has begun to notice at this point, she asks Gabriel “is everything okay” she is curious to know what’s the matter with her husband.  Gabriel reassures her that everything is fine and that he is just extremely tired.  As the party went on Gretta is fully aware of Gabriel spying on both her and Furrey.  So a few hours has past and now that it was time to go.  Gabriel and Gretta both agreed that it’s far too late for them to make the trip back home and will spend the night in a local hotel.  When they stopped and got situated in the hotel, Gretta finally decided to tell Gabriel that she was aware of his watchful eye on both her and Furrey.  An argument ensues with Gabriel and he completely denies the clam that he has been spying on his wife.  But now Gabriel knows he has been caught and confessed that he was.  He said “it was because I knew about you and Furrey and I know how successful he has become.  I was worried that your old feelings would come rushing back and that you may try to leave me.”  This causes Gretta to cry uncontrollably.  To Gabriel’s curiosity he asked “are you crying because of me?”  Gretta immediately replies “no.”  He asked why to his surprise Furrey had cheated on her long ago and the heart break was what caused he to cry.  To her Michael Furrey is dead to her, and tried to avoid even a small amount of social contact.  With that Gabriel begins to walk towards the window and stares outside as the snow continues to fall. The ground is blanketed in white as the snow continued to fall.  Although he feels relieved that she shares no feelings for the man, he wonders why did he cheat on her, and what if he hadn’t cheated on her would she eventually meet him.                                  

2 comments:

  1. I like your idea of Michael being alive, and taking place in Buffalo, but the setting could use more detail because the party in the original story was an important part of the story that gave insight into Gabriel's life style. Also there are a few spelling errors like ( great instead of greet). But over all the plot was interesting but more dialogue would be nice.

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  2. I noticed one error, it was with capitalization (When Grette said "no") just make sure to capitalize. It was good, but I would have liked to see you go into more detail about the setting and the environment like in The Dead. The sentence in the very last paragraph doesn't sound right to me, you may want to look at that and rewrite it. I kind of wish you had incorperated more dialouge between the characters, but overall what you did with The Dead is good.

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